All because

A song that I have had on CD for a long time has recently made its way into my mind and stayed there to bother me. Maybe bother is the wrong word since it has such a negative connotation. It has caused me to reflect on the happiness, or lack thereof, I have had at various points in my life over the last twelve years. That is roughly the span of time between now and when I became a follower of the Way. During those intervening years I have had wondrous "mountain-top" experiences of the sweet fellowship with our Creator-God available to His adopted children. I have also experienced the dark, lonely valleys one strays into when they run out from his presence into the murky night of worldliness. The instant fix of perpetual perfection I had hoped for when calling upon His name did not come. Instead I found myself in the midst of a violent war. A war which had actually been raging all along, I simply lacked the eyes to see it. Moreover, this war which previously had staged its battles beyond the borders of my being began to skirmish in my very heart. And now I daily struggle with the temptations of this world and the allure of sin to my still-not-yet-perfect heart. God did something though. He reached in and crushed a part of my being. A dark part. A seed of rebellion and of delight in sin. The part of me that had previously been able to break the law with abandon and revel in its pleasures. That part of me is gone now, irrevocably. Therefore, though I may and often do still sin its attendant pleasures have abandoned me. In their place I find only sorrow, heartache, and separation from my heart's true joy. It is this change, this breaking, this destruction of my God-hating, sin-loving heart, that has left me no choice in the matter. Though I may live in sin for even long periods of time, my heart finds no rest there. No peace. No contentment. He has ruined me to its touch. And so, in one graceful, powerful stroke he long ago won the war which rages still in my being.

And that is what these simple words from the Tree 63 song "All Because" reminded me of recently.

They tell me to abandon you
To make my dreams come true
So what am i supposed to do
If I only dream of you?

You covered up my sin
You covered up my silence
You covered up my shame
Made me new again