Pepsi sux

It is not a debatable point. It is not a matter of opinion. It is a plain and simple fact. A pure and objective truth. Pepsi sux.

Pepsi was created when Satan squeezed a zit on the rim of his anus and poured the resulting puss over ice and served it to a customer while working the night shift at Shifty's All-Night Burger in Southern California. True story.

Given the irrefutable fact that Pepsi sux how can it then be so quickly offered as a substitute for coke when some crappy restaurant has decided not to serve coke? I mean they are not even the same KIND of thing. Coke is a tasty beverage with depth and nuance (more on this in another post). Pepsi is pure liquid suck. If they ran out of steaks and I ordered a steak would the waiter offer me a concrete cinder block or a cup of motor oil as viable replacements? No. Why then, I ask you, is it acceptable for this to occur:

Waiter: Would you like anything to drink.
Me: Coke
Waiter: We have pepsi?

At this point I should respond with:
Me: Interesting. Do you have anything else completely unrelated to the tasty beverage that is coke you'd like to offer to sell me? Perhaps some maggot infested cheetah carcasses?


Yeesh.